Harry Potter and the Goblet of Nope
by Rachelfairynose
Summary: One-shot. What a sarcastic, proactive and more confident Harry should have done when his name came out of that thrice damned Goblet. Strong language.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me. I wish it did, but alas.

Author note: This is a one shot from a larger piece I am currently working on. I would like feedback and opinions on continuing it, thank you!

As the last bits of treacle tart vanished from the plates Professor Dumbledore rose from his throne like chair and descended towards the flaming magical Goblet. A hush settled over the Great Hall and Harry had to suppress the urge to blow a raspberry; anything to break the tension in the air. He rolled his eyes as Dumbledore began a long-winded speech about the "spirit of friendship" and "International Magical Cooperation," really if the man wanted cooperation he had a strange way of showing it. A huge tournament to pit international schools against each other with a high chance of school children being injured or killed? Absolutely fostered the spirit of friendship…not!

"And now, on to the main event of this evening! Choosing your Champions!" Harry tuned back in as Dumbledore raised his wand and the Goblet's magical aura began to pulse brighter and brighter until a single piece of charred parchment shoot out and into the air.

"Our Beauxbatons Champion…Fleur Delacour!" A loud cheer rose up from the French students and was echoed by almost every male Hogwarts student in the hall Again Harry rolled his eyes at the lust filled display. He reached over and shut Ron's mouth before the boy started to drool from watching Fleur glide towards a small antechamber off the Great Hall.

"Thanks, mate." Ron mumbled, shaking his head as if to clear it. "I really need to practice my Occulamency more…I hate that her allure effects me so much!" Harry chuckled at Ron's grumbling and turned his attention back to Dumbledore as the Goblet started pulsing again.

"From Drumstrang…Viktor Krum!" Booming cheers were issued all through the hall as the young Quidditch star followed after Fleur. "Alright, calm down, calm down…and that leaves our Hogwarts Champion…" a third round of pulsing magic "Cedric Diggory!"

The Hufflepuff table exploded in cheers as Diggory made his way toward the Champions' room but Harry's attention was focused on the Goblet of Fire that had started pulsing again quicker than before.

 _Oh, no…no, no, no…I have to get out of here. I don't want to be around for whatever is going to come out next._

Harry quickly stood and, ignoring Ron and Hermione's questions, started to quickly sneak his way towards the entrance hall. In his periphery he saw the Goblet flash as a fourth piece of parchment was discharged. He quickened his pace as silence filled the hall making it halfway out the doors before…

"HARRY POTTER!" Dumbledore's voice froze him in his tracks. Taking a deep breath he straightened from his crouch and turned to face the Headmaster and staring students.

"Yes, sir?" Harry asked coldly, feigning confusion.

"Your name came out of the Goblet Harry." Dumbledore said slowly, holding out a small-blackened piece of parchment.

"Did it?" Harry asked before shaking his head, "There must be some mistake Headmaster…I didn't enter my name." His cold tone rang through the silent room. He saw something flash through the Headmasters eyes before it was quickly covered with concern. Harry narrowed his eyes wirily.

"Be that as it may, I think it would be best for you to join your fellow Champions. We can pick up this discussion in a more secluded area."

"There is nothing to discuss Headmaster. I. Did. Not. Put. My. Name. In. That. Cup." Harry enunciated each word slowly as if talking to a small child, "What more is there to say?" Rage was building slowly inside Harry. This was the fourth time in as many years that he was thrust into a dangerous situation, was one year of peace really too much to ask for?

"Harry…" Dumbledore said warningly.

"Fine." Harry snapped, and strode quickly toward the room the other Champions had disappeared into. The hall stayed silent until he made it through the doorway, then the students broke into loud whispering.

 _No doubt convincing themselves that I am a cheating, attention seeking prat…_ Harry thought, rolling his eyes again. His thoughts on the Hogwarts population were cut short as he entered a cozy room and was faced with the other Champions. Scowling Harry moved off to the left of the door and lean on the wall crossing his arms. The other Champions looked at him curiously for a few seconds before Fleur broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Well? To zey need uz out zere or somezing leetle boy?" Her thick French accent grated on Harry's already frayed nerves and her tone caused his temper to rise even more. Leetle boy? Harry leveled a glare at her until she looked away before replying.

"No." Krum's permanent scowl deepened and Diggory shifted uncomfortably. Before any of them could ask for more clarification the door opened again and Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, and Moody stepped through followed closely by Headmaster Karkaroff, Madame Maxime, Ludo Bagman and Barty Crouch.

"Extraordinary!" Ludo gushed, striding toward Harry and grabbing him by the arm. Ludo hauled a disgruntled Harry to the middle of the room and beamed at the other Champions. "May I introduce the _Fourth_ tri-wizard Champion…Harry Potter!"

Harry snarled and yanked his arm away from the enthusiastic man. "I didn't put my name in that damn cup!"

"Of course 'e is lying!" Madam Maxime piped up, glaring at Professor Dumbledore. As the large woman spoke Harry felt a rush of magic wash against his Occulamency shields. He glanced around and noticed Fleur glaring intently at him, frustration evident on her pretty face. Harry cocked his head slightly and glared back tightening his shields against the Veela allure rolling off of the French girl.

"Two Champions, Albus? Did I miss something in the rules permitting the host school _two_ Champions?" Karkaroff asked sarcastically. Harry was beginning to shake with rage at this point.

"Oh no, Igor. You are not mistaken, Potter here merely has no regard for such mundane things as rule you see…" Snape broke in silkily. Snarling again Harry opened his mouth to tell Snape to do something extremely anatomically impossible…if certain bits were still attached that is, when Professor Dumbledore interrupted.

"Harry, my boy, are you quite sure you didn't put your name in the cup?" Harry glared at his Headmaster but Dumbledore continued on, unfazed, "No? You didn't ask an older student to put your name in?"

Trembling with rage Harry spoke in a low, cold voice startling most of the occupants of the room, "No. I didn't. One year Headmaster. That's all I wanted. One fucking year of peace. One FUCKING YEAR of no threats to my life!" By this point Harry's voice had raised to a shout. A couple people tried to interrupt his tirade but he ignored them and continued on.

"This is the FOURTH time in as many years that I have been placed in a life threatening situation under YOUR watch! I don't know why I don't transfer to FUCKING Beauxbatons! I would probably be safer there! WHY THE HELL would I want ETERNAL GLORY? I already have that! And guess what it cost me! MY FUCKING PARENTS! FUCK YOU! FUCK THIS TOUNAMENT! I'm not putting my life in danger for some sick game!" Breathing heavily Harry turned to leave but was again stopped by Dumbledore's voice.

"I understand your anger Harry but it is a binding magical contract." Harry whirled around seething.

"Funny I don't remember signing anything!" he said.

Dumbledore looked at a shaken Barty Crouch and raised an inquiring eyebrow, "Is there anything we can do?"

The ministry official sighed deeply before replying sadly, "No, the rules are quite clear. If you do not compete Mr. Potter, you will forfeit your magic."

"Just fucking great!" Harry burst out, "How did my fucking name get put in in the first bloody place?"

"A prank? An older student trying to be funny?" McGonagall spoke up, looking at Dumbledore, but it was Moody that answered.

"No, the Goblet of Fire is an extremely powerful magical object. Only an extremely powerful Dark spell could have hoodwinked it." He said gruffly, staring at Harry with an intensity that made the teen uncomfortable.

"Oh, just bloody great! I've been put into a dangerous psychotic game by some psycho Dark wizard…wonderful, fucking perfect! And just how did such a powerful dark wizard get access to the Goblet Dumbledore? I thought this was the "safest place in England" huh? You know what? Fuck this! I'm tired! Good-bloody-night!" With that Harry successfully stormed from the room.

"Fifty points form Gryffindor, Potter!" Harry heard Snape shout as the door slammed shut behind him. Seething, Harry stepped out into a still buzzing Great Hall and was confronted with a hall full of glaring students whispering things that sounded oddly like _cheat._ Harry's temper spiked again.

"OH FUCK YOU! FUCK THE WHOLE BLOODY LOT OF YOU!" He shouted striding down the center isle toward the doors, "AND FUCK THIS BLOODY CUP!" Harry dropped kicked the Goblet of Fire, sending it soring over the, once again silent, Great Hall, and continued walking, cussing loudly the whole way. As he disappeared through the doors Hermione came to her senses and bolted off, dragging a stunned Ron behind her.


	2. Chapter 2: Poor firstie a letter home

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.

Author's Note: I just had to write this after the review on this story…thank you anonymous reviewer! You sparked inspiration!

Hey Mum,

Have I said how much I love it here at Hogwarts lately? (Okay so maybe I say it in every letter…don't judge!) Well I do! Love it here that is. Well mostly anyway…I'm still having problems with some of the other girls in Ravenclaw.

We are supposed to be the house of intellect and all most of them seem to talk about is makeup and fashion and _boys_. Its barmy mum, and they think _I'm_ mad for not caring about such things…

But it's not all bad, I have had a few…interesting…conversations with a girl in third year. She gets picked on worse than I do, but she just lets it roll off of her. I honestly don't know how she does it, her name is Luna. I guess her dad is the editor of that odd magazine _The Quibbler_. She is a bit odd as well…but that just makes her unique!

Anyway, I found that super comfy chair you told me about in Ravenclaw tower yesterday, you were right. The perfect spot for doing homework, far enough from the fire to not get uncomfortable but close enough on drafty days…I miss you mum.

So you know how I told you that I met Harry Potter? And that he seemed pretty nice? He is in Gryffindor and usually people seem to stick to House boundaries…but my first week here, when I was a bit turned around trying to find the Great Hall, he was so nice. Helped me find my way and talked with me the whole way. Well I don't think he is going to have a very good year…

The Goblet of fire chose Champions last night you see…a French girl call Fleur is representing Beauxbatons, and Viktor Krum himself is representing Drumstrang! (Don't act like you don't know who he is mum! He caught the snitch at the World Cup this year!)

A Hufflepuff boy named Cedric Diggory is representing Hogwarts…but this is where things get a little weird…it's called the TRI-wizard tournament right? But last night FOUR names came out. I bet you can guess whose name it was that popped out last…yup Harry Potter.

Everyone is calling him a cheat and saying that he entered to get more attention…but I don't know…he stood up when Professor Dumbledore called his name and told the whole hall that he didn't put his name in and that there must be some mistake.

Dumbledore finally got him to go into the Champions room to "discus" it, but Harry didn't look too thrilled. And when he came out of the room a while latter he looked right livid! He went ballistic mum! Started yelling and told the whole hall in not uncertain terms just what he thought of being called a cheat…and then he kicked that cup.

I kid you not mum. He drop kicked that Goblet of Fire across the room (it brained some Slytherin called Crabbe pretty good too, lit his hair on fire and everything…his pal, Malfoy I think, dumped a whole pitcher of pumpkin juice on him to put it out) and stormed out cussing up a storm. Everyone at the Gryffindor table seemed pretty shocked so I don't think this is something he does often…but you never know.

I will have to keep an eye on Harry Potter this year…I have a feeling intriguing things are going to be happening around him and you know what dad used to say, "Intriguing things happen around intriguing people…and what is life without a little intrigue?"

Say hi to aunt Leah for me? I love you mum, write back soon!

Love,

Danni


End file.
